An Ode to 2009!

Thank You DJ Earworm, for making these things every year.

Falcon! Get back in the Attic!

There were many memorable quotes this year. Besides the obvious Kanye West vs Taylor Swift ordeal...
the balloon boy wins this showdown. While on the Larry King Show, Falcon Heene stated,
"You guys said we did this for the show."   Falcon must not be involved in the whole publicity stunt planning process.  Let's hope he holds this over his parents heads for the rest of his life.

Well, here they are...

Kourtney Kardashian released the photos to a couple different magazines of her new baby.  Mason "Dash" Disick looks quite comfortable.  And his parents look happy enough for all of us.  Now, if only they could look that fake all of the time.  Kourtney is actually my favorite sister.  Kim is over rated and well...the other one is just Khloe.

The Lohans are a wonderful family.

Yep, that whole family is definately messed up.  Recent reports that father, Michael, kicked his ex-wife in the vagina during a fight.  I came across this disturbing photo today.  I don't know what it's from and I'm sure it's supposed to be artistic..but come on.  Thats her little media whore sis, Ali.  She's supposed to be famous too.  But, I've yet to see her do anything other than accompany Lindsay to bars.  This is the result when too many gingers run in the family. Geez.

merry christmas.

Have a Great Christmas, you cotton headed ninny muggins!

Get Carried Away, AGAIN!

Thank God! Thank God! The official trailer premiered today and the film will hit theaters this summer...
Although, I will miss SJP's mole. RIP.

Because it's been awhile...

Lady Gaga performed in New York City last week for launch of VEVO.  It's supposed to be a new site by Sony that lets you view music videos.  How revolutionary!
I'm sure it's nothing like youtube,hulu,mtv... Nice to see Lady G rocking the huge,obnoxious bow once again.

"I'm a bartender, I do great things."

I'm not one to hate on MTV because I actually like it.  But, they've gone too far.  These overly tanned, juiceheads we now call "Guidos" and "Guidettes" have graced our lives on MTV's Jersey Shore.  What's worse is now these kids actually believe they're famous.  Plus, they all want fucking spinoff shows. Someday Harvard students will be writing thesis papers on how media can glorify sub-cultures so much that it's considered acceptable.  What's even better is how they all give THEMSELVES a nickname.  Last time I checked, nicknames are GIVEN to you!  Most of the girls are so orange and dress like it's 1997.  Black hair dye must be hard to come by in Jersey since nearly every Guidette has jet black,poofed up hair.  Snooki (the one who got punched by a man) takes full responsibilty for the creation of "The Poof."  Most normal gals tease their bangs a little but no...not Snooki.  She aquires a NYC sized rat and hides in in her hair.  The most troubeling thing is the infamous "Fist Pump" they all do.  Their form of dancing has turned into a full on "battle", as they've called it.  Whatever happend to simply grinding on your dance partner?  Now, they have to start pounding the floor then act as if they're practicing tribal like dancing.  However, I am dumb founded by the whole living situation.  Not to be confused with Mike"The Situation."  They all act as if they have been forced to live in this gaudy beach house.  Calling and crying to their boyfriend or mommas that they are homesick.  Then, GO HOME!

Kevin Jonas is finally allowed to fornicate.

Kevin Jonas proceded to ditch that purity ring and exchange it for a pair of handcuffs and a leather whip wedding ring.  His longtime girlfriend, Danielle Delesea wore Vera Wang during their "french chateau" ceremony set in a castle in New York. 

The couple released this: "We're so happy that we're finally married and we were able to share the special moment with family, friends and loved ones." 

Nick and Joe were best men.  Most brides worry about their bridesmaids stealing their thunder.  But, when Joe Jonas and his fabulous, feathery hair is involved...I'd make that lil guy wear a top hat.  With Nick Jonas starting his own band,The Administration, looks like this wholesome trio is slowly falling apart.  Aww, shucks.

Rocky is a serious artist, ya know.

Well, looks like old Sly Stallone decided to try his hand of art.  Let's face it, you can only create so many Rocky and Rambo sequels.  Plus, it gets kind of difficult to count that high. Two of his pieces actually sold for $90,000 at a gallery in Miami.  I suppose they're good? I don't know..seems like a self-portrait fueld by roid rage?  I'll give him props though, it beats doing a sappy reality show or releasing a line of sweat proof spandex apparel. So, really it could be worse.

Brittany Murphy passes away early this morning.

TMZ reported, "A 911 call was made at 8:00 AM from a home in Los Angeles that is listed as belonging to her husband, Simon Monjack, the Los Angeles City Fire Department tells TMZ...."

Apparently Brittany was pronounced dead once she arrived at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.  At this point, her cause of death is said to be from cardiac arrest. She was onloy 32 years old and starred in numerous movies.  We first met her during Clueless and she later went on to play in award winning Girl, Interrupted.  It really is a sad day when another star from young Hollywood fades away. 

Mason Dash Disick is born.

Kourtney Kardashian and boyfriend Scott Disick gave birth to a little bundy of joy this morning.  Kourt's due date was set for Christmas Day but the little guy must have came early.  Of course, they gave him the middle name, Dash, after their store.  Or is it because anything they touch has to be named "Dash" since it's in their last name?   Anyway, baby Mason weighed in at 7 pounds, 6 ounces, and 19.5 inches long.  Kourtney gave birth in an Los Angeles hospital and has already sold the picture rights to two different magazines.  Way to keep the papparazzi and money flowing in! Congrats!

Just stop it already.

First of all, Jamie Jungers is the second tramp to wear a stupid, rhinestone on her face.  Please tell me it's some sort of secret messege to Tiger.  Perhaps by wearing it on every interview expresses her love for his money him is still strong?  Jamie was on the Today Show telling how she was with Tiger the night he found out his father had died.  Jamie Jungers, which happens to be an excellent porn name, also let us in on what she was wearing that night.  Jamie quotes, "...wearing nothing but a pair of panties" when Tiger's mother called him at 3am.  We all know you and your troupe of tramps may or may not be certified prostitutes.  So, just take whatever money is being thrown at you and shut up.

Lady Gaga would be PROUD.

seriously, these guys are fucking amazing.

what's his name is still talking about that shit he did.

At this point, even Kourtney Kardashian's unborn child is sick of hearing about Tiger Woods and his oral deal ordeal.  The list of dirty skanks has been compiled from coast to coast.  Here's his statement he released a few days ago:

"I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I've done, but I want to do my best to try.

I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What's most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person..."

Hopefully, some other athlete will come out with a scandal and save us from verbal abuse that is listening to Mr. Wood's bullshit.  Although, even though it isn't golf season...I ponder why he is taking a break from it.  Perhaps he should take an indefinite break from banging random chicks.

Aren't we Mr.Fabulous?

I get it already! You're an openly homosexual man with a fabulous sense of taste in cosmetics and a flare for fashion. That's fine, I love gay guys, they're the best friend a gal could have.  But, please just stop beating us over the head with it.  The AMA's were the final straw...and not because he grinded in some guy's face on stage.  Just stop trying to convince America how gay you are.  It's really not that big of a deal anymore.  We believe you Adam, we believe you. 

Obviously, the McRib is back!

Here's Jessica in NYC attending her sister, Ashlee's, Broadway debut.  It must suck to be living in the shadows of your little sister.  And by little, I do mean size and age.  Pretty sure Ashlee sang a song about always being compared to her older sister, Jessica, once upon a time.  When you get a nose job and marry a pint size guitaritst aka Pete Wentz, I suppose you get a leg up on your old maid of a sister.  This may sound mean, and well it is mean, but come on!  The only way you're going to find a man is to lay off the chicken fingers and ranch.  Apparently, the universe is getting back at her for playing the coveted role of Daisy. Or maybe just for being associated with that piece of crap movie in general.