Life's a Game But it's not Fair

Conan gets No Love from NBC

2010-01-14T21:12:00.000-06:00

After January 22, 2010...there will be no more Conan O'Brien. America's most beloved ginger is calling it quits since The Chin is taking back his 11:35 pm spot. NBC sure knows how to hang on to talent. With shows like, Chuck and The Sing Off I'm sure they're not worried. I'd like to see Conan rise above all this crap and get signed onto a new show, which will probably happen. Hopefully, it's on a cable network since NBC and it's sisters are basically giving up hope these days. Whatever Jay...I'm not watching!

awwww yeeea.

2010-01-13T00:43:00.000-06:00

If you love Jersey Shore as much as I do...then you probably still don't like this image. Snooki was partying it up in Miami this week. Why? Because she's on MTV's top rated show so of course they're whoring her out to clubs! Snickers doesn't mind...as long as she can BEAT THAT BEAT. Hope her poof doesn't get messed up.

King Leonidas, no more.

2010-01-09T09:00:00.000-06:00

Gerard Butler came into our lives as the most manly, muscle packed Adonis of a man. He was rippled and sweaty and every muscle screamed while he battled hundreds of men in 300. Two romantic comedies later, he is nothing but your average looking male. Thanks a lot Katherine Heigl! Although, Gerard still has that Scottish accent to fall back on. I'm sure that drops the panties every time.

I'm such a fuckin lady.

2010-01-09T08:00:00.002-06:00

Finally, Rihanna has moved on from that guy who's name I won't even mention. And moved on well. LA Dodger Matt Kemp looks like he can handle Rihanna, as opposed to you know who. But, these two have been humping all over a boat in Mexico all week. Which leads me to believe that the wait really is over. I'm proud of you Riri...get you some!

That child will have the abs of a god.

2010-01-07T10:00:00.000-06:00

Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani were hanging out in St.Barth's this week. I think it's safe to say these two,gorgeous human beings are most beautiful couple in the world. Screw Posh & Becks! Little Kingston has hit the genetic jackpot thanks to his folks. Just look at those abs! Both of them have rock hard,six packs. It's hard to believe Gwen has EVER had children. Props to you Rossdale-Stefani Family...you are perfect.

Purity Schmurity

2010-01-06T15:00:00.000-06:00

Yep, kids...he finally did it. That curly haired Jonas brother went on his honeymoon and tossed that purity ring into the ocean! At least, that's what I pictured. Then, he performed a very choreographed dance before he hopped into bed and lost the v-card once and for all. Kevin finally knows what the whole world knows. I'm sure he felt like the rest of us after losing it...a little disappointed and extremely hungover. Right? Well, anyways I'm glad the kid got laid. Perhaps the music will get better soon? What's even scarier than thinking about Kevin Jonas having sex are those booty shorts he's wearing. GET A ROOM!

Wedding Crasher Rule # 49: Don't Get Married

2010-01-06T09:00:00.000-06:00

Just like he did in the actual movie...Vince Vaughn got hitched this week. US Weekly reported that he wed his Canadian Realtor girlfriend, Kyla Weber. The ceremony was held in Illinois where "several dozens of family and friends" watched the couple said "I do." After all the hot ass Vince has gotten in the past decade, he up and marries a non-famous Realtor. It is also rumored that after hearing the news, Jennifer Anniston stayed in bed all weekend watching The Break Up.

TLC tackles another "issue"

2010-01-05T20:03:00.004-06:00

TLC loves to prey on the weak...or small...or Asian...or over weight. The channel loves to show us the daily lives of everyday Americans who are struggling with something unique. We've had the world famous Jon and Kate + 8, Little People Big World,The Little Couple,Cake Boss...AND NOW One Big Happy Family. They love to play up the stereotypes such as the loud mouth Italians and Mormon families with a million kids but TLC has created a new show about an over weight African American family, The Cole family. Sometimes I wonder if TLC looks at ethnic stereotypes and decides to make a show out of them? I can think of a whole list of people who are gonna start collecting petitions against this channel. Maybe not today but in the near future. After TLC does a show about a Latin Taco Factory who's children are little, the mother is obese, and the daughter has seven kids, oh and they like to bake too! They're also famous for their I Didn't Know I was Pregnant series, which is equally troubling. I almost feel bad watching their shows, even though I do love them, I still feel wrong. This century's children will see how easy fame really is! Just conjure up a crazy, mixed up family with a few disorders and BAM you have a TV show! I can't wait to see what kind of politically incorrect family journey TLC comes up with next!

One of the least favorite little Gosselins.

2010-01-04T15:42:00.003-06:00

Its ok Cara...we understand. It is hard to live the life of luxury at such a young age. Although your parents have split, chances are you will never know the difference. All those cute babies are so sweet and endearing, except for that one. Cara was the one twin who always threw fits every chance possible. Kate Gosselin has actually been lying low lately. Probably because she is working on her TALK SHOW. Yes, she wants to be the next Oprah or Tyra. It does make sense since both talk show queens will be giving up their seats next year.
One thing is for sure...guests on her show won't be allowed to talk about themselves.

So, this is why she married him...

2010-01-03T10:00:00.002-06:00

These two lovebirds were caught in an Italian drizzle this week. Mariah actually received an award for her portrayal as a school counselor in Precious. We have all seen Glitter and know how fabulous Mariah was in that. But, girl did good this time. Probably because the movie wasn't starring her.

Good thing P.Diddy's umbrella man was busy the day Mariah met Nick Cannon. Or else Farmsworth Bentley would have ended up with Mimi. We're all still in shock of why these two got hitched but as of now, they're actually making it work. Some would say it's a slight upgrade from Mariah's last husband, big shot Tommy Matola. But, hey if you like your men young and impressionable...you won! Plus, Nick is set for the rest of his long life. At this rate, he'll have a good twenty years at the end of his life to be the player he once tried to be. He will surely inherit all that Hello Kitty crap which will make nice gifts for his new young girlfriends someday.

Thanks Angie!

2010-01-02T09:00:00.003-06:00

Brad Pitt used to be the sex god of America. Every man and woman loved him and we couldn't get enough of his cute little, Midwest charms. He married America's sweetheart, Jennifer Anniston. Ahh...the world was perfect and equal. Fast forward to the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith where Brad meets Angelina Jolie. Then, before we knew it he left Jen and knocked up Angelina. Six kids later...Brad Pitt is looking pretty rough. Especially with his recent facial hair decision. Maybe he should spend less time making and or adopting babies and shave that thing off his face. I'm going to watch Fight Club in memory of the Brad Pitt we lost so long ago.

I'm so Hard

2010-01-01T22:43:00.003-06:00

I was shocked when I saw this picture and yet... somehow not surprised. Disney darling, Demi Lovato seems to be inspired by RiRi lately. Nobody does studded leather gloves unless your name is LADY GAGA OR RIHANNA! Step off bitch. If you really want to be hard perhaps you should go out with Chris Brown for a few months. Take a long,violent limo ride with him to the Grammy's and see how you feel. Stop trying to rebel. Go back to your little Sunday night slumber parties with the cast of High School Musical. Or, if you really want to toughen up...get smart and follow Vanessa Hudgens. She has great ideas on how to get out of the tween spotlight.

J.Lo kicks off the New Year.

2010-01-01T22:20:00.001-06:00

Luckily, this kind of scripted crap only happens once a year. Jennfier Lopez sang on Ryan Seacrest's special last night and managed to not fall on her ass this time. I love Jenny from the block but please give it up already. Nobody performs forever! She continued to celebrate the new year by zipping herself into an awkward catsuit. Marc Anthony dressed in his usual sunglasses that hide those scary eyes of his. Almost like those craft store eyes you buy and put on paper bags. Hopefully he wears those glasses to bed. Other celebs spent the evening poppin champagne and dressing nicer than the rest of us. Nothing says "Happy New Year" like wearing a cheap,black dress in a basement. Here's to 2010!

An Ode to 2009!

2009-12-31T14:00:00.001-06:00

Thank You DJ Earworm, for making these things every year.

Falcon! Get back in the Attic!

2009-12-30T21:03:00.002-06:00

There were many memorable quotes this year. Besides the obvious Kanye West vs Taylor Swift ordeal...
the balloon boy wins this showdown. While on the Larry King Show, Falcon Heene stated,
"You guys said we did this for the show." Falcon must not be involved in the whole publicity stunt planning process. Let's hope he holds this over his parents heads for the rest of his life.

Well, here they are...

2009-12-30T13:03:00.001-06:00

Kourtney Kardashian released the photos to a couple different magazines of her new baby. Mason "Dash" Disick looks quite comfortable. And his parents look happy enough for all of us. Now, if only they could look that fake all of the time. Kourtney is actually my favorite sister. Kim is over rated and well...the other one is just Khloe.

The Lohans are a wonderful family.

2009-12-30T12:56:00.005-06:00

Yep, that whole family is definately messed up. Recent reports that father, Michael, kicked his ex-wife in the vagina during a fight. I came across this disturbing photo today. I don't know what it's from and I'm sure it's supposed to be artistic..but come on. Thats her little media whore sis, Ali. She's supposed to be famous too. But, I've yet to see her do anything other than accompany Lindsay to bars. This is the result when too many gingers run in the family. Geez.

merry christmas.

2009-12-25T08:00:00.002-06:00

Have a Great Christmas, you cotton headed ninny muggins!

Get Carried Away, AGAIN!

2009-12-23T19:39:00.001-06:00

Thank God! Thank God! The official trailer premiered today and the film will hit theaters this summer...
Although, I will miss SJP's mole. RIP.

Because it's been awhile...

2009-12-23T10:00:00.001-06:00

Lady Gaga performed in New York City last week for launch of VEVO. It's supposed to be a new site by Sony that lets you view music videos. How revolutionary!
I'm sure it's nothing like youtube,hulu,mtv... Nice to see Lady G rocking the huge,obnoxious bow once again.

"I'm a bartender, I do great things."

2009-12-21T01:00:00.001-06:00

I'm not one to hate on MTV because I actually like it. But, they've gone too far. These overly tanned, juiceheads we now call "Guidos" and "Guidettes" have graced our lives on MTV's Jersey Shore. What's worse is now these kids actually believe they're famous. Plus, they all want fucking spinoff shows. Someday Harvard students will be writing thesis papers on how media can glorify sub-cultures so much that it's considered acceptable. What's even better is how they all give THEMSELVES a nickname. Last time I checked, nicknames are GIVEN to you! Most of the girls are so orange and dress like it's 1997. Black hair dye must be hard to come by in Jersey since nearly every Guidette has jet black,poofed up hair. Snooki (the one who got punched by a man) takes full responsibilty for the creation of "The Poof." Most normal gals tease their bangs a little but no...not Snooki. She aquires a NYC sized rat and hides in in her hair. The most troubeling thing is the infamous "Fist Pump" they all do. Their form of dancing has turned into a full on "battle", as they've called it. Whatever happend to simply grinding on your dance partner? Now, they have to start pounding the floor then act as if they're practicing tribal like dancing. However, I am dumb founded by the whole living situation. Not to be confused with Mike"The Situation." They all act as if they have been forced to live in this gaudy beach house. Calling and crying to their boyfriend or mommas that they are homesick. Then, GO HOME!

Kevin Jonas is finally allowed to fornicate.

2009-12-21T00:19:00.002-06:00

Kevin Jonas proceded to ditch that purity ring and exchange it for a ~~pair of handcuffs and a leather whip~~ wedding ring. His longtime girlfriend, Danielle Delesea wore Vera Wang during their "french chateau" ceremony set in a castle in New York.

The couple released this: "We're so happy that we're finally married and we were able to share the special moment with family, friends and loved ones."

Nick and Joe were best men. Most brides worry about their bridesmaids stealing their thunder. But, when Joe Jonas and his fabulous, feathery hair is involved...I'd make that lil guy wear a top hat. With Nick Jonas starting his own band,The Administration, looks like this wholesome trio is slowly falling apart. Aww, shucks.

Rocky is a serious artist, ya know.

2009-12-20T15:37:00.001-06:00

Well, looks like old Sly Stallone decided to try his hand of art. Let's face it, you can only create so many Rocky and Rambo sequels. Plus, it gets kind of difficult to count that high. Two of his pieces actually sold for $90,000 at a gallery in Miami. I suppose they're good? I don't know..seems like a self-portrait fueld by roid rage? I'll give him props though, it beats doing a sappy reality show or releasing a line of sweat proof spandex apparel. So, really it could be worse.

Brittany Murphy passes away early this morning.

2009-12-20T13:40:00.000-06:00

TMZ reported, "A 911 call was made at 8:00 AM from a home in Los Angeles that is listed as belonging to her husband, Simon Monjack, the Los Angeles City Fire Department tells TMZ...."

Apparently Brittany was pronounced dead once she arrived at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. At this point, her cause of death is said to be from cardiac arrest. She was onloy 32 years old and starred in numerous movies. We first met her during Clueless and she later went on to play in award winning Girl, Interrupted. It really is a sad day when another star from young Hollywood fades away.

Mason Dash Disick is born.

2009-12-14T14:28:00.000-06:00

Kourtney Kardashian and boyfriend Scott Disick gave birth to a little bundy of joy this morning. Kourt's due date was set for Christmas Day but the little guy must have came early. Of course, they gave him the middle name, Dash, after their store. Or is it because anything they touch has to be named "Dash" since it's in their last name? Anyway, baby Mason weighed in at 7 pounds, 6 ounces, and 19.5 inches long. Kourtney gave birth in an Los Angeles hospital and has already sold the picture rights to two different magazines. Way to keep the papparazzi and money flowing in! Congrats!

Just stop it already.

2009-12-14T11:25:00.001-06:00

First of all, Jamie Jungers is the second tramp to wear a stupid, rhinestone on her face. Please tell me it's some sort of secret messege to Tiger. Perhaps by wearing it on every interview expresses her love for ~~his~~ ~~money~~ him is still strong? Jamie was on the Today Show telling how she was with Tiger the night he found out his father had died. Jamie Jungers, which happens to be an excellent porn name, also let us in on what she was wearing that night. Jamie quotes, "...wearing nothing but a pair of panties" when Tiger's mother called him at 3am. We all know you and your troupe of tramps may or may not be certified prostitutes. So, just take whatever money is being thrown at you and shut up.

Lady Gaga would be PROUD.

2009-12-13T23:02:00.000-06:00

seriously, these guys are fucking amazing.

what's his name is still talking about that shit he did.

2009-12-13T22:48:00.002-06:00

At this point, even Kourtney Kardashian's unborn child is sick of hearing about Tiger Woods and his ~~oral deal~~ ordeal. The list of dirty skanks has been compiled from coast to coast. Here's his statement he released a few days ago:

"I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I've done, but I want to do my best to try.

I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What's most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person..."

Hopefully, some other athlete will come out with a scandal and save us from verbal abuse that is listening to Mr. Wood's bullshit. Although, even though it isn't golf season...I ponder why he is taking a break from it. Perhaps he should take an indefinite break from banging random chicks.

Aren't we Mr.Fabulous?

2009-12-01T22:31:00.001-06:00

I get it already! You're an openly homosexual man with a fabulous sense of taste in cosmetics and a flare for fashion. That's fine, I love gay guys, they're the best friend a gal could have. But, please just stop beating us over the head with it. The AMA's were the final straw...and not because he grinded in some guy's face on stage. Just stop trying to convince America how gay you are. It's really not that big of a deal anymore. We believe you Adam, we believe you.

Obviously, the McRib is back!

2009-12-01T22:23:00.001-06:00

Here's Jessica in NYC attending her sister, Ashlee's, Broadway debut. It must suck to be living in the shadows of your little sister. And by little, I do mean size and age. Pretty sure Ashlee sang a song about always being compared to her older sister, Jessica, once upon a time. When you get a nose job and marry a pint size guitaritst aka Pete Wentz, I suppose you get a leg up on your old maid of a sister. This may sound mean, and well it is mean, but come on! The only way you're going to find a man is to lay off the chicken fingers and ranch. Apparently, the universe is getting back at her for playing the coveted role of Daisy. Or maybe just for being associated with that piece of crap movie in general.

The AMA's were a hot mess!

2009-11-23T15:24:00.002-06:00

Everyone is freaking out about the whole Adam Lambert "dancer's face in his crotch" thing and his onstage fall. The world is also laughing at Jennifer Lopez, who actually perfomed for the first time in about thirty years. Oh, she fell too. However, nobody has mentioned Kelly Clarkson's...apperance. She's looking rather zaftig these days. Sometimes maybe it's better to just watch the awards from your home with a bag of gummi bears and a chicken gordita crunch wrap supreme. Plus, Kate Hudson slipped a nip while presenting an award. Next year maybe the AMA's should carry a PG-13 rating.

Umm..sexy?

2009-11-20T14:52:00.000-06:00

Megan's dynamic acrobat stunts are gracing The New York Times Magazine this week. She's had sexy pictures before but none quite like this. Here, she is pretty much preparing for the gynocologist to walk in. Plus, I'm pretty sure I see some stubble...on her armpit. The doctor will see you now.

This Week: Oprah talks oral sex and Sarah Palin!

2009-11-18T09:00:00.002-06:00

Not in the same day, of course. This week Oprah invited Sarah Palin on her show Monday for the first time ever! They discussed election crap, Palin's fabulous pre-set wardrobe, her book, and Levi guy. Sarah Palin went on to discuss her future plans while not giving many details, like usual. The next day Oprah decided to bring Jenna Jamison on her show to talk about her career and how women enjoy erotic things now days. Newsflash Ms. Winfrey...this isn't anything new. Oprah acts like she's never heard about the pornography industry and any other related subjects. Don't try and act like you and Stedman haven't slipped into the naughty side of the movie store! I'm sure Oprah has had many "AHA MOMENTS" as she would say. But, why not bring on both women within one show? I mean, that is Sarah Palin's next step right? Or are politics Jenna's next step? Wait, now I'm confused.

...and the world stops NOW.

2009-11-17T16:04:00.005-06:00

Taylor Lautner and Ashley Greene look beautiful. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart look awkwardly nice. No shocker there. As the hours inch closer and closer to the nation's release of New Moon, women aged 3-87 are lining up to watch the second installment of The Twilight Saga. At 12:05 on November 19, 2009, the world will certainly stand still to witness the much anticipated movie. I will certainly be in the theater ready to watch some good ol' vampire shananagins take place. However, I will be leaving my Twilight signs and memorabilia at home. The whole cast has been on a worldwide premiere escapade while we simple humans sit and wait for our chance. All I can say is little girls better shut the hell up during the movie. I don't care that Edward hasn't seen Bella since he left her in the woods and they reunite before your very eyes. Shhhh!

Breaking LiLo News via Twitter

2009-11-14T08:58:00.005-06:00

For all of us who constantly invade Lindsay's privacy...here are some twitter updates from yesterday. All of these tweets took place within one hour and as far as we know are actual and up to date. Seems like she is the only person who's not talking about her slit wrists and her sleeping with every man in a 20 mile radius.

lindsaylohan i just got the tanning lotion, smells so good!!

lindsaylohan hahahahahaha i almost forgot about the choice of music that is played over the scenes in the morgue on csi- it's so porno hahahaha

lindsaylohan is it even legal to say such things like these bloggers do? isn't it defamation of character!?!? slander maybe? anyone?

...and to answer your question sweetie, yes it is.
slander is saying false things.

Brown continues to beat it up.

2009-11-13T18:43:00.005-06:00

Since Chris Brown is still riding Rihanna's coat tails, his new video has been released during the same week. Ri Ri's Russian Roulette video comes out tonight on 20/20. Her video is said to be "violent" and what not. Duh, it's about losing a game of RUSSIAN ROULETTE people! Anyways, Chris can get sucked down a Los Angeles sewer drain for all I care. His new song Crawl literally talks about what you think it would...crawling back to love. However, he forgets to mention the part where he beat the shit out of his girlfriend. His video is said to be "all his ideas" so when we see a beautiful lady with a half shaved head and big structured shoulder pads, I suppose it's meant to be Rihanna? So very creative! Not nearly as creative as his new CD cover though! How uhh...cute of him to include Alvin and the Chipmunks. Although, by the looks of that guitar, they better watch their backs.

No, No, No.

2009-11-12T10:00:00.014-06:00

Nobody knows exactly why or how this has happened.
Why would the 55 pound Amy Winehouse acquire a set of boobs that out weight that rat's nest sitting on her head? More importantly, who paid for those damn things? The prices of crack and coke have risen since the recession so tell me how she could pull this off? Plus, you have to calculate the cost of liquid eyeliner into the equation. But, then again subtract the price of good hygiene and perhaps it all equals out. At least Amy has been spotted looking a little more than alive these past few months. Which is better compared to her earlier photos from this year. Wanna know even more fabulous news? ...she wants those things bigger.
Have a nice day.

This Genie Might Need Help Getting Out!

2009-11-11T09:00:00.006-06:00

As you may have noticed, Christina Aguilera has packed on a few pounds. Well, not really. Looks pretty convincing though! The genius behind this photo is worth1000.com, where they did this to fifty other celebs including Victoria Beckham and Megan Fox. It's safe to say it makes the world feel a little better about themselves. It could also be used as a warning for famous folks, THIS COULD BE YOU!
...if you put one more chocolate covered pretzel with carmel drizzle in your mouth. Britney this means you!

My Little Pony does Lady GaGa!

2009-11-10T10:45:00.001-06:00

So, MariKasurinen.com takes original, boring My Little Pony dolls and modifies them. It's actually kind of cool, especially her Lady GaGa inspired one! She also made other ones like The Joker! check it out...

Europe's MTV Awards

2009-11-08T10:00:00.002-06:00

We got Kanye bitching a fit onstage and MTV's EMA's in Berlin got Katy Perry in this little ensemble. Those things actually light up. I'm actually glad I didn't go this year because I was planning on wearing the same thing. Talk about awkward situation!

Chris Brown is Full of Shit.

2009-11-07T18:35:00.002-06:00

Chris Brown sat down with MTV's Sway to persuade the nation that he truly is sorry. Chris Brown on MTV:

"My thoughts [when I look back on it now] is like, 'Why did it happen?' “He told MTV News correspondent Sway during an hour-long, one-on-one interview that took place in Brown's native Virginia.”Like, 'What was I thinking? What is wrong with you?' That's what I'm thinking with myself. That's what my thoughts are, basically, now."

Aw shucks folks, this guy seems to feel so bad about his actions. He then goes on to tell of how much therapy has helped him "see what went wrong" and "being young, you don't think first." I know lots of young people who have resisted the urge to beat the shit out of their girlfriends. He wonders "Why it happened..." Well, probably because your ego is way too big for your own good. This guy could have been bigger than Michael Jackson someday. Most people saw the picture of Rihanna's post-beat down picture, so I'm not posting it. Google it for yourself if you want to see the horror of it.

Media criticized Rihanna for supposedly getting back with Chris for a short period of time. Probably just enough time to get hit a couple more times to see he was still an ass. Luckily, she has cut him out of her life and moved on...or so we believe. Her debut interview filled the airwaves this week explaining how she didn't want other girls to experience the same thing. Now, the press is trying to spin this as a "Let's not let this happen again" and "If this could happen to them...it could happen to you." Since, this has never happened before, anywhere!

I can't wait for Rihanna and Chris's albums to release so we can stop talking about them.

GaGa Oh La La.

2009-11-07T10:00:00.001-06:00

First, Kermitt the Frog...now Hello Kitty! Here's a little Lady GaGa to brighten up your day.

Dear Bella,

2009-11-06T08:00:00.003-06:00

Most of the world knows the face of this awkward, "Oh, I'm so shy" Twilight star, Kristen Stewart. I hereby publically state that I AM TIRED OF HER SHIT. Every interview is so damn annoying and not to mention reminds me of that strange, wannabe punk who sat behind you in class while cutting up her jeans with Fiscar's scissors. Kristen tries to be so "un-Hollywood" that it makes me wish she could just get bitten already, for real. All of her head scrataching, twitching, nail biting, hair messing, and constant shakiness seems like she is in the need of some crack. What's even more ridiculous is that the only reason she portrays an ~~excellent~~ good Bella Swan is because...BELLA IS KRISTEN. She acts exacly the same off screen, therefore proving her acting is little more than remembering a few lines. So please watch her other five movies [don't forget the one on Lifetime] and discover that every character she plays twitches and acts pretentious just like Kristen!

Halloween is for Everyone?

2009-11-04T10:23:00.005-06:00

Celebrities like to get out of the everyday hassles of being themselves just as much as we do. Rhianna is a sexy tiger...although I'm sure she'd wear that on stage. While Ice T's wife, Coco, is actually wearing her Sunday Best. Heidi Klum is looking like some sort of Hindu Shrine while Seal is a Chinese man of some sorts. Leave it up to boring old Jessica Alba to dress as "Dora the Explorer." Stereotype? Just because she's Latina doesn't mean she has a fascination with maps and fiestas!

E! takes on another family and we're supposed to watch...sadly we will.

2009-11-04T09:58:00.001-06:00

So what I'm seeing is that E! can take unknown has-ben families that have bred with other faded celebs and make a reality show about it? Yep, this time they chose Lorenzo Lamas's overly bronzed clan. E! will take us on a journey about how they are trying to...well I'm sure one of them is trying to accomplish something? Don't the sisters share a clothing store? Oh, wait wrong family. Anyways, the Lamas household seems to be parallel to the Kardashians, only more blonde. If it's a reality show, then why are the family members located under Cast Bios? If by cast, they mean people living through E! scripts then they are correct. Most of them have been in soap operas and Lifetime movies, not to mention The Bachelor! The Lamas seem to be a pretty classy, prestigious group of folks. Most viewers barely remember Lorenzo, but from the looks of it, he should be making his next appearance on To Catch a Predator.

Obviously the Gift that keeps on Giving

2009-10-28T16:08:00.004-05:00

You know when you buy your sister a really cute necklace because you know you will get some use out of it too? Well, this is pretty much the same, only apply it to men. Now, boyfriends and husbands of the world have a way to help tone and sculpt their ladies forearms and biceps. But, it seems there may also be a beneficial factor in it for the guys as well. Fast foward to the 40 second mark to see how they explain "Dynamic Inertia." Although I'm pretty sure the rest of the world calls is something else.

Hey, Mr. Carter!

2009-10-23T13:40:00.003-05:00

Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr has pleaded guilty to attempted possession of a weapon. Rolling Stone reports Wayne had a .40 caliber handgun on his tour bus when the NYPD hopped on board and discovered it this summer. Weezy happens to be facing the exact same charge in Arizona, only throw in some marijuana,coke, and a little bit of good old ecstacy. Hopefully Lil Wayne can share a cell with T.I. who happpens to be serving time for a weapon charge as well. Dibs on top bunk! What will we do if the industry must undergo an entire year without Weezy f. Baby? Who would impregnate the nation's female population? So far, he has fathered four children...two of them being conceived and or born this year. There are probably many more single ladies lucky enough to have received his seed that have yet to come out. Hopefully he won't have to endure the same agonizing sentences like that of Paris Hilton or Khloe ~~Kardashian~~ Odom. At least he's the greatest rapper alive.

UPDATE!

2009-10-18T09:00:00.000-05:00

Levi Johnston is still burning up his 15 minutes of fame! Turns out there happens to be a few more perks to knocking up the Governor of Alaska/Almost President's daughter. Now, this kid even has commercials that are centered around him getting someone pregnant due to not using protection. Are you serious? Well, as lame and low as it is...it gets worse. The commercial is for PISTACHIOS! enjoy.

One of these things is a lot like the other

2009-10-17T15:00:00.010-05:00

Hugh Hefner's latest additions to his mansion are just as blonde as the last girls...only two of them are barely legal. Hef has actually scored himself a pair of twins, the real kind too! Not ones that just act like it. Kristina and Karissa Shannon are two years over the legal age and aren't ashamed to show it. The two were even cast in a film by Sophia Coppola and yet they didn't know who she was. What's even funnier is that they believe their stay at the Playboy Mansion can extend as long as they want it to. Don't they know it's similar to a prison sentence? The usual stay is around three years which also requires scheduled playdates with Mr. Hefner. I find it hard to believe ANY of these girlfriends find him attractive. I'm sure they may grow to love him, but much like one would care for an old dog that humps your leg and nobody has the heart to put him down. The "#1 Girlfriend" as she's called, is Crystal Harris. I feel bad for Crystal since it seems she will be given the task of babysitting the Shannon twins...and Hef.

It's a Boy!

2009-10-09T22:39:00.003-05:00

Kourtney Kardashian has graced the world with the knowledge of her baby's sex. Boyfriend Scott Dusick knocked up the oldest Kardashian sister in the midst of her "Kourtney and Khloe take Miami" show. Coincidence? ...of course not! This had to be as unplanned as Khloe's suprise wedding to that one guy! Kourtney quoted in her monotone voice, "I can't wait to buy all sort of boy's clothing." Hopefully someone will tell her that means buying blue stuff. Obviously the producers running the Kardashians' lives are genius. Seems like the only sister left out of this charade is Kim. I wonder what she will be dealt next? Since marriage and babies are already taken, the only logical step is some sort of substance abuse problem. Who knows?

There's more Seed to be spread...

2009-10-08T21:16:00.007-05:00

Levi Johnston has offcially agreed to pose for Playgirl. The only people who might care would be gay men with a soft spot for good ol' country boys. Or a governor's innocent daughter. I suppose which ever puts out first. If you're still trying to remember who this guy is...remember when Sarah Palin's daughter got really fat for nine months? You can thank Levi for that.

Playgirl's readers may not fit the deer guttin' demographic that Levi does but perhaps he will sprouce it up a bit? Maybe wash the Wrangler or capture an elk with his bare hands!

Britney sings of a Ménage à trois...shocking

2009-09-30T20:28:00.000-05:00

Everyone's favorite little crazy gal, Britney Spears released a new song yesterday. Be prepared to be astonished because the entire song depicts her being one out of three and playing twister on the floor. In my eyes, Britney can do no wrong but I would have loved her to release something a little more modern. I mean, threesomes...weren't those all the rage back in 2006? Perhaps Brit could have tackled a new topic like global warming or insurgents in Afganistan? Like I said, I love the trainwreck but I'm just not sure if the world could really use three more Britneys as her picture suggests. I'm afraid Starbucks just isn't ready for that!

Feel free to log on to her site and listen to "3"!

http://www.britneyspears.com/blog.php

Save the Pre-Nup for later, please!

2009-09-28T20:03:00.006-05:00

Congratulations to the new bride, Khloe Kardashian! Although she and Laker's player, Lamar Odom have only been "boning"(as Khloe would say) for a little over a month, wedding bells rang loud and fast yesterday at a private Beverly Hills estate. The dress was Vera Wang, of course, and it was said to be the ultimate black tie affair. I'm sure E! cameras broke up the lavish setting but that never prevents the Kardashians from acting in the moment.

It must be nice to have an entire wedding planned and perhaps paid for by the same channel that produces your show! Personally, I absolutely love wasting thirty minutes of my life watching these exotic sisters complain about va jay jays and Bentleys. Actually, I don't mind wasting an hour because I usually watch it again...at some point.

Anyways, having watched Khloe bounce from man to man in her fabulous size 16 stilettos, it is shocking that she suddenly marries a random, utterly unknown Lakers player. Unless he's knocked up some waitress who claimed it was not consensual, I haven't heard of him.

This marriage will obviously make for a great new season of Keeping up with the Kardashians. I possibly couldn't be the first one to think of this... This shot gun wedding is obviously from the same writer's who have been slipping Kourtney blank birth control pills! What better way to keep ratings high than to manipulate the lives of these semi-famous daughters of OJ Simpson's lawyer.

What is even crazier is that the two blame the upcoming NBA season to their uber fast nuptuals. Lamar and Kim have been rumored to be saving the pre-nuptuals until a later date. Meaning Sunday's wedding was nothing more than a jazzed up birthday party since the legal documents have yet to be signed. Someone must have told Khloe that it is way easier to get out of a marriage if it's not legal. Congrats Khloe!

Because Britney won't be here forever...

2009-09-26T10:00:00.003-05:00

Well, well, well it seems like America's new favorite pop-tart has finally taken the wise advice of those who blazed the nikelodeon and disney trails before her and finally become a real,raunchy,staying out past curfew kinda girl. Grab the Purell because Miley has gotten DIRTY. She slowly found her way to the pole like many teen stars have...on stage! Recently the media has been oh so shocked to see her kissing boys and hugging them while on the set of her new movie. People need to get over it! Miley is already 17 years old and in Hollywood that's equivilent to at least 25! Say goodbye to Hannah Montana and that synthetic, platnium wig! Miley is ready for some more action. The papparazzi needs to realize that most girls who are 17 are usually accompied by an infant and a GED. Our dear Miley hasn't fully gone wild yet but I have a feeling that once she does...things will never be the same! So my advice is to keep doing all that "provacative" dancing that parents are complaining about and you will be just fine! I mean hey...look at Britney Spears!

Bluffin with my muffin.

2009-09-23T15:54:00.032-05:00

OMG could it be? Yes--this is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, or as

we know her LADY GAGA... She has succeeded in keeping her identity pretty vague with the help of masks,feather,leather,pleather, and blood.

There are a few handful of photos circulating of Gaga's pre-fame life. We all know she was

huge in the New York City underground before she hooked up with Akon and his label. Miss Germanotta seems to look just like a real girl! This just gives me hope, that I too can grow up to become a fabulous, living piece of art who dodges transgender rumors!

Simpson fumbles, at life.

2009-09-22T20:40:00.012-05:00

There is an urgent, ongoing manhunt, or should I say "bitch hunt" for Jesscia Simpson's famous dog, Daisy. Last week Miss Simpson reported to the media that a coyote had snatched up her beloved pooch. This then lead Jessica to believe that Daisy would be back soon. Why? "Because Daisy is fast!" quoted Simpson. Wow...First Tony now Daisy? I wonder if Tony Romo was also taken into the woods by a pack of coyotes? It seems nobody can stand to be around Jessica these days. Although I remember one person who could...there was once this guy named Nick Lache. Perhaps he is the culprit in this gripping drama? It's safe to say no one is betting money on the safe return of Miss Daisy.

Tony Romo is probably wondering how Daisy got so damn lucky. Hopefully this tragedy will be laid to rest once Jessica empties her purse only to find Daisy wedged next to a box of Swiss-Rolls.

Get Mommy a Beer!

2009-09-21T14:15:00.006-05:00

This quite possibly may be the best site I've seen lately. Most of us have witnessed the usual "child on a leash" incident the mall. Or a newborn in the front passenger seat...

http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/ have compiled some of the best photos exhibiting why some people need to be neutered before their 16th birthday.

I love that someone has actually taken the time to put all of these into one, convenient little website. Genius! Definitely check out the entire site because every picture is better...i mean worse than the last.

I don't know what worse...the hickies or the eyeshadow?

Little Miss Dark Side

2009-09-16T19:48:00.005-05:00

We get it already! You are a bonefide tough, bad ass woman who loves sex more than men! Megan Fox has been circulating our lives for a few years now and at first, I absolutely loved her. She was a "guy's girl" with a bitchy attitude that seemed genuine. But, with every interview she gives... I just want her to stop talking all together. Every word seems associated with her tattoos,her higher than average libido, and how she is soooo mysterious. It's like she can't believe other females enjoy getting inked up and rolling around in the sheets afterwords. I'm not denying that she IS gorgeous but who isn't in Hollywood? Plus, she is hardly famous for her work. Crews who have worked with Megan share horror stories and even Michel Bay, who pretty much handed her fame on a stainless-steel, Cartier encrusted platter, tell of how ungreatful she is. Our favorite little pouty princess has even gone as far as calling Bay "Hitler!" Too bad the genius Diablo Cody decided to hand over yet another undeserved project to Megan in her Jennifer's Body film. I wonder what Megan will talk about next? ....well we pretty much already know.

Please check this video out...she gets completely ignored the entire time!

"changing the world one sequin at a time"

2009-09-15T23:09:00.000-05:00

Gaga for the Day... enjoy.

Here is the fabulous, yet bloody, Lady Gaga at the VMA's a few days ago. Thanks to Kanye West, it seems everything else went utterly unnoticed! Sad...because now many might not even hear about Miss Gaga hanging from a meat hook at the end of her show. Or when she accepted her Best New Artist award with a face full of lace while thanking, "THE GAYS AND GOD!" But who else could pull this shit off? Certainly not Madge! Who happend to give a semi-inappropriate speech about her friendship with The King of Pop. Give it up Esther, there's a new crazy, bitch in town...and "she's changing the world one sequin at a time". It takes a alot more than rolling on the VMA stage in a wedding dress these days!

how could you be so heartless?

2009-09-15T22:23:00.000-05:00

i'm just about sick of hearing about the whole kanye and t.swift ordeal BUT i'm gonna say one thing. it's pretty sad that he had the courage(or should i say hennessy) to propel his pathetic body on stage only to make himeself look like a complete ass,douchebag,pretentious prick...

these two artists are at the very opposite sides of the music spectrum. so, props to mr.west in succeeding in representing the hip-hop community in such a fantastic light. way to go! most of taylor swift's fans are probably not waiting in line for his next cd that will surely sample the shit out of everything. i'm not a huge swift fan but i watched in horror as he ripped the mic out of her fragile, innocent hand and felt awful. what really burns my ass is how some highly overpaid rapper whom everyone has acclaimed genius wants nothing more than to be a headliner.

The worst part is how he "sincerely apologized" to her...OVER HIS FUCKING BLOG.

I'm pretty sure Miss Swift is not following any of his social networking sites.

We found out this morning that Kanye had actually called her and apologized over the phone, so I'm sure he now considers himself damn near a martyr. Excuse Taylor for accepting her first VMA and wanting to thank a few people.

Lastly, Beyonce did nothing shocking by being the classiest diva on earth by allowing Taylor to step back on stage and finish her speech! Sure, maybe Single Ladies was a bigger phenomenon than Taylor's video but who cares? It's a VMA...it's bascially saying that teenagers who had time to vote inbetween searching for porn and doing their algebra homework liked watching Taylor transform into a band geek, again. This was no Grammy, Kanye!